Anticipation, Part II

OK, getting real nervous right now. Two days to first chemo appointment. I had a great realization the other day that was profound (for me) but ultimately isn't making me feel too differently. The realization was that I am letting the chemo scare me more than I'm letting the cancer scare me - And that's just not right. It's the cancer that's life-threatening, not the chemo. While the chemo has lots of scary immediate side effects and toxicity, it's ultimately supposed to help me and I need to keep that in mind. The cancer just seems less scary because it has less immediacy. But, admittedly, I'm still scared. In fact, I wanted to put off the appointment an extra week the other day. But so far, I'm still keeping it the same day. I should probably do some more research so I can help with this damn fear.