Yesterday was supposed to be round 3 of chemotherapy but we ended up delaying it because I've come down with a nasty cold. It started to really manifest on Tuesday; I had a fever of 101 degrees on Tuesday night and felt better (at least non-feverish) Wednesday morning. I still went in for my doctor's appointment on Wednesday but upon discussion with the doctor (my heart rate was racing and I felt wiped out) we decided to delay the chemo appointment for one week.
Getting sick has made me realize I've been pushing myself too much. When I feel good I want to do the things I would normally, but I have to restrict myself more than normal. I'm much more susceptible to germs and have to play the part of caretaker for myself. It has also made me more aware of my doctor's request that I not be around crowds of people. That's been a hard one to follow, particularly as I feel good and there's been a plethora of summertime activities to tempt me (baby showers, wedding showers, festivals galore, etc.) But with this one sickness, I now know the importance of that advice and will try better at avoiding those things. I know, boring. That's me. :)
I am already starting to feel much better today, thankfully. Besides being sick, I have also recently noticed a new side-effect from the chemo - soreness. I thought that I had just done a little too much weed pulling one day, but I notice now that I constantly feel stiff. It feels just like muscle soreness or having sat in one position for too long, except that it also happens in strange places, like my feet. It's taken me a while to realize that it's not from over-doing one thing, but that I just constantly feel sore. It's especially noticeable after getting up in the morning or after having sat down for a little bit.
I have been to a new acupuncturist over the last few weeks and she has been great. I decided that I didn't like the other one I had been seeing, so sought out this new one. After just one appointment, I could feel the neuropathy (the numbness and tingling) in my feet lessen. It's still there, but much less so. I also feel very calm and relaxed after each appointment, so those two things make it well worth the time.
Due to my sickness, pushing out chemo, and my realization that I've been trying to push things too much and need to stay away from crowds and germs, the doctors and I decided to push out my work date even further. Apologies to my co-workers! We've decided to wait until October 1st to start back to work now. Hopefully that will get me past the worst of the side-effects.
I'll keep this one short and end here. Just wanted to update everyone on what was supposed to be my 3rd appointment. I'll update again after next week's round of chemo.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
The Geneticist
'ello everyone. My aunt Judy sent me an email link to another woman's blog who is also dealing with cancer and just finished her 2nd round of chemo. I was amazed by her sense of humor and honesty and if you're interested it it, you can find it here (check out the name of this link!): http://www.puttingonmybiggirlpanties.com/ I think I've said that to myself, particularly when facing the first time of going in for chemo - Time to pull on my big girl panties and get 'er done.
Today was my first appointment with the geneticist. They said a lot of big words all jumbled together. I wished Brian was at that appointment with me so he could dumb it down a lil' bit, but I think I caught the gist. My main two goals are: 1. Figure out whether I have a gene issue or an immunity issue that's caused two/three cancers already at a young age 2. Figure out whether I am able to take hormone replacements without causing significant increases in my chances or reoccurrence of cancer. I met with a genetics counselor and a genetics doctor. I'm not sure exactly what the genetics counselor role is but she seems to be the go-between for the most part.
We discussed first my family tree and any incidences of cancer that we knew and also my own history of papillary carcinoma (thyroid), endometrioid ovarian cancer (a specific more rare type of ovarian cancer), and the pre-cancerous cells found on my cervix. We automatically dismissed the cervix cancer since that is hugely attributed to factors outside of genetics. The next step was to see if we could draw any genetic relations between the thyroid and ovarian cancers. Though we only have information for one side (the maternal side) of my family, they think it is unlikely that I have the BRCA-1 or BRCA-2 gene, which links ovarian cancer with breast cancer and is common amongst women who have ovarian cancer. Their main reasons for dismissing this initially (we may follow up on it later on after trying one or two other things first) is due to the particular type of ovarian cancer I have, because there are no incidences of breast cancer in my family, and I have no other "side-effects" typically caused by this gene like large amounts of skin tags (they said hundreds in one area.) They then looked at whether there are any other genes that link my type of ovarian cancer and thyroid cancer and came up with the P-ten gene, also known as Cowden's. My next step is to go in early next week for some blood tests and then they'll let me know within 40 days whether I am positive for Cowden's. If it is negative, we will most likely attempt the BRCA-1 and BRCA-2 testing next.
The geneticist also would like me to continue searching for information related to my dad's side of the family. This has been a stumbling block for a number of years now. My biological father's name is Richard (Toby) Jones, but try doing a google search on that one - there's 1,700,000+ results for Vancouver, WA with that name. I have asked my aunts to follow up with their high school friends (my mom and dad attended high school together with my aunts and uncle, so had similar friends throughout the years) but so far, the main connection has remained elusive. I will continue to bug my aunt Joan (are you reading this Joan?!) about seeing if we can get connection through her ex-husband, Brent. Vancouver can't be that big, right? I had been trying to reestablish a relationship with my dad previous to all this cancer talk, but now it makes it even more important.
My foster-mom's mom (so foster-grandma) passed away last weekend, so I went to the memorial service yesterday. There was something really lovely (maybe I am meant to be a farmer!) about taking a handful of dirt into my hand and slowly pouring it into the grave to bury the ashes. I really liked the symbolism of how we all are a cycle of life and nature.
And in a completely different vein, I have to mention something that's been bugging me. I've had a big surgery and have been undergoing chemo. I'm not dying, I'm not really even "sick." I have had a lengthy recovery time, first for the surgery, second for my mental health and now third because of fear of catching germs and sickness from others. I have been catching little glimpses from people, mostly co-workers, who are wondering how I could possibly be out of work for so long and have such a nice tan. OK, I admit it would look much better if I were a nice pasty white-green color, something much more sickly and pale. But this experience and tan hasn't exactly been a walk in the park. I do feel much better and I do have a lot of strength and I do sometimes enjoy my time outside watching nature, playing with the animals, and doing some chores. I am enjoying life as much as I can, as we all should. Yeah, you should be jealous of my tan - it's the best one I've ever had. But trust me, you don't want a tan like this for the same price I've had to pay. My doctors have told me to stay out of the sun, particularly because of the burning effect of chemo - but damn! It's 90 degrees outside and I live on a farm. How exactly does one stay out of the sun in such circumstances?
We've updated my mohawk recently. I'll take some pics after styling and post them. I'm starting to lose my other hair too. I haven't had to shave my legs or pits in weeks. It's great. But now I'm losing my eyelashes and my eyebrows too. Damn, I should've flunked art in kindergarden - do they really think I can draw on a semi-arched eyebrow!? On the bright side, the mustache and beard effects of menopause are completely gone for the time-being! Damn, I'm a sexy beast. LOL
So what are my needs at the moment? I'm doing pretty good. I love the influx of scarves. I need to learn how to draw on some eyebrows and how to apply makeup to my "new head." I'm digging the gypsy bohemoth look of the tied back scarf and big hoop earrings. I need to redefine my sexiness. It's hard to find oneself attractive as a bald hairless slug of a being, but I think it's possible. I just need help figuring out how to make myself look the best I can. The trimming of my mohawk helped quite a bit.
Loves to you all and feedback welcome as always. XO
Today was my first appointment with the geneticist. They said a lot of big words all jumbled together. I wished Brian was at that appointment with me so he could dumb it down a lil' bit, but I think I caught the gist. My main two goals are: 1. Figure out whether I have a gene issue or an immunity issue that's caused two/three cancers already at a young age 2. Figure out whether I am able to take hormone replacements without causing significant increases in my chances or reoccurrence of cancer. I met with a genetics counselor and a genetics doctor. I'm not sure exactly what the genetics counselor role is but she seems to be the go-between for the most part.
We discussed first my family tree and any incidences of cancer that we knew and also my own history of papillary carcinoma (thyroid), endometrioid ovarian cancer (a specific more rare type of ovarian cancer), and the pre-cancerous cells found on my cervix. We automatically dismissed the cervix cancer since that is hugely attributed to factors outside of genetics. The next step was to see if we could draw any genetic relations between the thyroid and ovarian cancers. Though we only have information for one side (the maternal side) of my family, they think it is unlikely that I have the BRCA-1 or BRCA-2 gene, which links ovarian cancer with breast cancer and is common amongst women who have ovarian cancer. Their main reasons for dismissing this initially (we may follow up on it later on after trying one or two other things first) is due to the particular type of ovarian cancer I have, because there are no incidences of breast cancer in my family, and I have no other "side-effects" typically caused by this gene like large amounts of skin tags (they said hundreds in one area.) They then looked at whether there are any other genes that link my type of ovarian cancer and thyroid cancer and came up with the P-ten gene, also known as Cowden's. My next step is to go in early next week for some blood tests and then they'll let me know within 40 days whether I am positive for Cowden's. If it is negative, we will most likely attempt the BRCA-1 and BRCA-2 testing next.
The geneticist also would like me to continue searching for information related to my dad's side of the family. This has been a stumbling block for a number of years now. My biological father's name is Richard (Toby) Jones, but try doing a google search on that one - there's 1,700,000+ results for Vancouver, WA with that name. I have asked my aunts to follow up with their high school friends (my mom and dad attended high school together with my aunts and uncle, so had similar friends throughout the years) but so far, the main connection has remained elusive. I will continue to bug my aunt Joan (are you reading this Joan?!) about seeing if we can get connection through her ex-husband, Brent. Vancouver can't be that big, right? I had been trying to reestablish a relationship with my dad previous to all this cancer talk, but now it makes it even more important.
My foster-mom's mom (so foster-grandma) passed away last weekend, so I went to the memorial service yesterday. There was something really lovely (maybe I am meant to be a farmer!) about taking a handful of dirt into my hand and slowly pouring it into the grave to bury the ashes. I really liked the symbolism of how we all are a cycle of life and nature.
And in a completely different vein, I have to mention something that's been bugging me. I've had a big surgery and have been undergoing chemo. I'm not dying, I'm not really even "sick." I have had a lengthy recovery time, first for the surgery, second for my mental health and now third because of fear of catching germs and sickness from others. I have been catching little glimpses from people, mostly co-workers, who are wondering how I could possibly be out of work for so long and have such a nice tan. OK, I admit it would look much better if I were a nice pasty white-green color, something much more sickly and pale. But this experience and tan hasn't exactly been a walk in the park. I do feel much better and I do have a lot of strength and I do sometimes enjoy my time outside watching nature, playing with the animals, and doing some chores. I am enjoying life as much as I can, as we all should. Yeah, you should be jealous of my tan - it's the best one I've ever had. But trust me, you don't want a tan like this for the same price I've had to pay. My doctors have told me to stay out of the sun, particularly because of the burning effect of chemo - but damn! It's 90 degrees outside and I live on a farm. How exactly does one stay out of the sun in such circumstances?
We've updated my mohawk recently. I'll take some pics after styling and post them. I'm starting to lose my other hair too. I haven't had to shave my legs or pits in weeks. It's great. But now I'm losing my eyelashes and my eyebrows too. Damn, I should've flunked art in kindergarden - do they really think I can draw on a semi-arched eyebrow!? On the bright side, the mustache and beard effects of menopause are completely gone for the time-being! Damn, I'm a sexy beast. LOL
So what are my needs at the moment? I'm doing pretty good. I love the influx of scarves. I need to learn how to draw on some eyebrows and how to apply makeup to my "new head." I'm digging the gypsy bohemoth look of the tied back scarf and big hoop earrings. I need to redefine my sexiness. It's hard to find oneself attractive as a bald hairless slug of a being, but I think it's possible. I just need help figuring out how to make myself look the best I can. The trimming of my mohawk helped quite a bit.
Loves to you all and feedback welcome as always. XO
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Let's talk a lil' Food
I'm bored of writing and thinking about the same old things - side-effects, chemo treatments, hair styles, and so on. I feel like that's been hashed a few times too many. I'm not promising I won't talk about it all again in the future, but for the moment, I'm done with that. Instead, this entry I want to turn towards the foods that I've been enjoying, mostly from the good habits of my friends who have taken my diet much more seriously than I intended! LOL It's been a great transition to eating mostly vegetarian though.
Laura has been very good about making sure that we eat a ton of kale. Our garden is overflowing with kale and she makes sure that it doesn't go to waste...much waste, anyway. I have made some kale chips, which are nothing like potato chips except that they're crispy vegetables, but they were still pretty tasty. Laura has made several indian dishes, a egg and potato kale breakfast treat, a potato, kale, and sausage hash, and some Italian wedding soup creation - some with sausage and some without.
Brian doesn't like mushrooms or olives, but I can't be vegetarian without trying out a few of these yummy veggies here and there. I bought some big colossal green garlic-stuffed olives along with some marcona almonds fried in rosemeary and some goat cheese and ok-mok crackers. Yum! Had to have a little red wine with those snacks - how could one not? I also made a mushroom casserole from the 101cookbooks website with this recipe here: http://www.101cookbooks.com/archives/mushroom-casserole-recipe.html
I tried making some of my own vegetarian bean burgers in order to freeze and have on hand while Brian is busy grilling up all the pork that we just got from our 1/2 a slab of pig, but they turned out a little mooshy. Apparently, you need to fry them after making them, THEN freeze them, then recook them when you're ready. Oops. Well, that's a learning curve. They're still tasty moosh at least.
I also realized that beans is going to be a very important part of getting my protein and staying full while on this diet. I cooked up a bunch of pinto beans we had lying around, but instead of refrying them with bacon grease (yum!), I tried out coconut oil, which gave them a Caribbean flair.
Speaking of which, I think some fish tacos might be in order soon. Now that we have caribbean beans in the house, why not go the whole mile and do up some shrimp or fish tacos? One of the hardest parts of this diet has been to find fresh seafood (I'm not fully vegetarian.) One of my main goals has been to not eat fish and meat from the supermarket because you just don't know what's been done to that stuff. You'd think that living fairly close to the Pacific Ocean (it's only an hour away really) that we'd see a lot more fresh seafood, but apparently the marketplace must be difficult for fisherman to realize inland.
I took a page out of Laura's repertoire and stole the idea for making some sauerkraut. Sauerkraut has never really been a like of mine, until the last year or two. We have a ton of cabbage in the garden, so I figured why not try it out? I just shred up the cabbage in the food processor, added salt and kneaded it all together. The bruising, cutting of the cabbage mixed with the salt, drew out quite a bit of moisture from the cabbage giving it a watery bath to sit in. I had to add a little salt water to make sure it was fully covered so no bacteria grows on it, but now it just sits out on the counter (covered) and we can eat it in a week, or two, or three, depending on how sweet or sour we want it to be. Pretty simple stuff! So I've been considering making a faux Reuben for dinner soon. Tempeh for me, and corned beef for Brian and anyone else who may be visiting. Yum!
Laura and I also made a trip out to the Mossyrock Blueberry Festival, which was fairly small and uncrowded due to a little rain, but we managed to come away with quite a bit of fruit - blueberries, nectarines, and peaches. Right now, we're working on some nectarine sorbet. This morning we had a blueberry coffee cake. Last night we had a blueberry buckle. AND, our apple trees are starting to produce! So two nights ago, we had apple streudel. We've been working hard to making desserts out of fruit to help hold off my sweet tooth. It has been insatiable!
So, that's some of the latest in the land of eating for Rachael and Brian. Christine has also been a great help in figuring out some good eats, and I also appreciate the recipes that many of you have sent on. Oh yeah, I tried marinating and BBQing some beets the other day, but that effort was met with not exactly favorable results from both Brian and me. Well, we'll keep trying on the beet front to make something a little more appetizing.
Otherwise, health is OK for the moment. I tire easily. I haven't been sleeping well. My feet are numb and tingley. I am careful to stay away from crowds of people and those who are sick. But I feel OK and have been happy to have time to myself for some mental processing of all that has happened for the last few months. I continue to feel happy and lucky about my lot in life and the amazing people who are reading this and supporting me through this all. You guys are amazing. Thank you!
Laura has been very good about making sure that we eat a ton of kale. Our garden is overflowing with kale and she makes sure that it doesn't go to waste...much waste, anyway. I have made some kale chips, which are nothing like potato chips except that they're crispy vegetables, but they were still pretty tasty. Laura has made several indian dishes, a egg and potato kale breakfast treat, a potato, kale, and sausage hash, and some Italian wedding soup creation - some with sausage and some without.
Brian doesn't like mushrooms or olives, but I can't be vegetarian without trying out a few of these yummy veggies here and there. I bought some big colossal green garlic-stuffed olives along with some marcona almonds fried in rosemeary and some goat cheese and ok-mok crackers. Yum! Had to have a little red wine with those snacks - how could one not? I also made a mushroom casserole from the 101cookbooks website with this recipe here: http://www.101cookbooks.com/archives/mushroom-casserole-recipe.html
I tried making some of my own vegetarian bean burgers in order to freeze and have on hand while Brian is busy grilling up all the pork that we just got from our 1/2 a slab of pig, but they turned out a little mooshy. Apparently, you need to fry them after making them, THEN freeze them, then recook them when you're ready. Oops. Well, that's a learning curve. They're still tasty moosh at least.
I also realized that beans is going to be a very important part of getting my protein and staying full while on this diet. I cooked up a bunch of pinto beans we had lying around, but instead of refrying them with bacon grease (yum!), I tried out coconut oil, which gave them a Caribbean flair.
Speaking of which, I think some fish tacos might be in order soon. Now that we have caribbean beans in the house, why not go the whole mile and do up some shrimp or fish tacos? One of the hardest parts of this diet has been to find fresh seafood (I'm not fully vegetarian.) One of my main goals has been to not eat fish and meat from the supermarket because you just don't know what's been done to that stuff. You'd think that living fairly close to the Pacific Ocean (it's only an hour away really) that we'd see a lot more fresh seafood, but apparently the marketplace must be difficult for fisherman to realize inland.
I took a page out of Laura's repertoire and stole the idea for making some sauerkraut. Sauerkraut has never really been a like of mine, until the last year or two. We have a ton of cabbage in the garden, so I figured why not try it out? I just shred up the cabbage in the food processor, added salt and kneaded it all together. The bruising, cutting of the cabbage mixed with the salt, drew out quite a bit of moisture from the cabbage giving it a watery bath to sit in. I had to add a little salt water to make sure it was fully covered so no bacteria grows on it, but now it just sits out on the counter (covered) and we can eat it in a week, or two, or three, depending on how sweet or sour we want it to be. Pretty simple stuff! So I've been considering making a faux Reuben for dinner soon. Tempeh for me, and corned beef for Brian and anyone else who may be visiting. Yum!
Laura and I also made a trip out to the Mossyrock Blueberry Festival, which was fairly small and uncrowded due to a little rain, but we managed to come away with quite a bit of fruit - blueberries, nectarines, and peaches. Right now, we're working on some nectarine sorbet. This morning we had a blueberry coffee cake. Last night we had a blueberry buckle. AND, our apple trees are starting to produce! So two nights ago, we had apple streudel. We've been working hard to making desserts out of fruit to help hold off my sweet tooth. It has been insatiable!
So, that's some of the latest in the land of eating for Rachael and Brian. Christine has also been a great help in figuring out some good eats, and I also appreciate the recipes that many of you have sent on. Oh yeah, I tried marinating and BBQing some beets the other day, but that effort was met with not exactly favorable results from both Brian and me. Well, we'll keep trying on the beet front to make something a little more appetizing.
Otherwise, health is OK for the moment. I tire easily. I haven't been sleeping well. My feet are numb and tingley. I am careful to stay away from crowds of people and those who are sick. But I feel OK and have been happy to have time to myself for some mental processing of all that has happened for the last few months. I continue to feel happy and lucky about my lot in life and the amazing people who are reading this and supporting me through this all. You guys are amazing. Thank you!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
2 down, 1 to go
I made it through the 2nd chemo appointment yesterday. I visited with a different doctor this time since my doctor is on vacation. Dr. Chambers was very personable and also was a proponent of (w)holistic care, which I deeply appreciate. He and I discussed naturopathic/acupuncture care and he has processed a referral to help get Kaiser to pay for these appointments. He also talked to me about pushing my return to work date back even further. He is particularly concerned about my immune system and having me see so many different people on a daily basis, which could make me very susceptible to germs and illness. He recommends that I return to work at the end of September/beginning of October, but I am going to discuss this with my boss and see what options are available to me.
The chemo appointment itself went about the same as the first time. I'll spare the details, but if you're interested in finding out more, you can read the entry on my first appointment. This time we tried my left arm for the IV and the vein was a little more finicky, so there was a little pain here and there and it's still sore today. I also found out that Kaiser will pay for a free wig in partnership with the American Cancer Society, so maybe a wig will be in my future after all.
Speaking of hair, it started coming out in clumps last week, so Brian and I sat down with the shaver and shaved it into a mohawk. I'll post a pic of it to this site after getting out this entry. Probably today or tomorrow we'll shave it completely, or leave a few bangs for fashionable accessory to the scarves I've started to wear. I'm excited to have some help from a good friend in learning how to tie head wraps in a variety of ways. That will be very cool.
I also got hooked up with a woman through the SW WA Ovarian Cancer Alliance, who is around my same age and has gone through Ovarian Cancer herself. She and I had a great conversation on the phone and will continue our phone relationship with the hope of meeting each other in the near future.
I wanted to follow up and say that I did have an appointment with a Cancer Counselor through Kaiser, which went well. I think the main gain was to find out that I'm doing well with this: a little denial is healthy (Hah!), I have a great support team, and I'm seeking out the help I need. This blog has been extremely helpful in getting out my feelings, keeping everyone informed, and letting you all know how you can help me. It's a win for everyone.
I am wiped out today and feel weak and susceptible. I'm just taking it easy and drinking lots of water and tea to flush these toxins out.
I have started to see an acupuncturist, mostly for the hot flashes, but also for some numbness in my feet. I've been twice now, and noticed some improvement in hot flashes after the first visit. Since I was a little late in figuring out that I needed a Kaiser referral, those visits will be out of pocket. I'll also have to see the guidelines that Kaiser gives to figure out whether I can continue to see this particular person or if I need to change to someone else.
Needs this week? Nothing too new: food & hats/scarves. The doctors have really pounded it into me that I need to stay away from group gatherings, so I'll need to focus more on having mostly adult visitors to the house (those pesky kids and their germs!) I hadn't really considered the germ factor into all of this, so I continue to learn and adjust my lifestyle to accommodate my health.
The diet is going well so far. I've had a few incidents where I didn't plan appropriately and ended up doing the carb overload rather than adding in a bunch of vegetables as I should have done. I ordered pan fried noodles from a restaurant the other day and forgot to mention that I wanted veggies, so I just ate a plate full of noodles! I made a simple lasagna the other day (with the help of my good friend, Holly) which turned out great, but I didn't think to adjust the recipe to include more veggies until we were just about done. At least we had salad on the side. So I'm still learning and adjusting to these changes. I still haven't cleared dairy or sweets off the menu yet, which I need to do soon. The apple trees are starting to produce fruit, so I'll switch my sweet tooth to lots of baked apple goods. That's a decent compromise.
Thanks to everyone for your continued support. As I mentioned in my letter to these damn cancer cells, you guys are my army. I need your support, your suggestions, your recipes, your hats, your notes, and love. I appreciate all you have done so far, but we're not even half way through the battle yet. Thanks for all your comments on my strength - it really helps me to hear that from everyone. Peace and good health to you all.
The chemo appointment itself went about the same as the first time. I'll spare the details, but if you're interested in finding out more, you can read the entry on my first appointment. This time we tried my left arm for the IV and the vein was a little more finicky, so there was a little pain here and there and it's still sore today. I also found out that Kaiser will pay for a free wig in partnership with the American Cancer Society, so maybe a wig will be in my future after all.
Speaking of hair, it started coming out in clumps last week, so Brian and I sat down with the shaver and shaved it into a mohawk. I'll post a pic of it to this site after getting out this entry. Probably today or tomorrow we'll shave it completely, or leave a few bangs for fashionable accessory to the scarves I've started to wear. I'm excited to have some help from a good friend in learning how to tie head wraps in a variety of ways. That will be very cool.
I also got hooked up with a woman through the SW WA Ovarian Cancer Alliance, who is around my same age and has gone through Ovarian Cancer herself. She and I had a great conversation on the phone and will continue our phone relationship with the hope of meeting each other in the near future.
I wanted to follow up and say that I did have an appointment with a Cancer Counselor through Kaiser, which went well. I think the main gain was to find out that I'm doing well with this: a little denial is healthy (Hah!), I have a great support team, and I'm seeking out the help I need. This blog has been extremely helpful in getting out my feelings, keeping everyone informed, and letting you all know how you can help me. It's a win for everyone.
I am wiped out today and feel weak and susceptible. I'm just taking it easy and drinking lots of water and tea to flush these toxins out.
I have started to see an acupuncturist, mostly for the hot flashes, but also for some numbness in my feet. I've been twice now, and noticed some improvement in hot flashes after the first visit. Since I was a little late in figuring out that I needed a Kaiser referral, those visits will be out of pocket. I'll also have to see the guidelines that Kaiser gives to figure out whether I can continue to see this particular person or if I need to change to someone else.
Needs this week? Nothing too new: food & hats/scarves. The doctors have really pounded it into me that I need to stay away from group gatherings, so I'll need to focus more on having mostly adult visitors to the house (those pesky kids and their germs!) I hadn't really considered the germ factor into all of this, so I continue to learn and adjust my lifestyle to accommodate my health.
The diet is going well so far. I've had a few incidents where I didn't plan appropriately and ended up doing the carb overload rather than adding in a bunch of vegetables as I should have done. I ordered pan fried noodles from a restaurant the other day and forgot to mention that I wanted veggies, so I just ate a plate full of noodles! I made a simple lasagna the other day (with the help of my good friend, Holly) which turned out great, but I didn't think to adjust the recipe to include more veggies until we were just about done. At least we had salad on the side. So I'm still learning and adjusting to these changes. I still haven't cleared dairy or sweets off the menu yet, which I need to do soon. The apple trees are starting to produce fruit, so I'll switch my sweet tooth to lots of baked apple goods. That's a decent compromise.
Thanks to everyone for your continued support. As I mentioned in my letter to these damn cancer cells, you guys are my army. I need your support, your suggestions, your recipes, your hats, your notes, and love. I appreciate all you have done so far, but we're not even half way through the battle yet. Thanks for all your comments on my strength - it really helps me to hear that from everyone. Peace and good health to you all.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Update 7/27/10
Still feeling good and continuing to read Life Over Cancer by Keith Block, MD, which was recommended by my oncologist. It's making me realize how taking care of oneself...REALLY taking care of oneself is a full time job! I'm supposed to eat healthy foods, seek out mental assistance, see a naturopath, take supplements, exercise more, and rest as needed. I'm barely keeping up with all that and I haven't even thrown work into the mixture yet!
I have started the "pescatarian" portion of my new lifestyle change, as recommended by this book in order to assist my body in fighting the cancer and any possible thought it might have of recurrence. Wikipedia defines "Pescetarianism, also called pesco-vegetarianism, is the practice of a diet that includes seafood and excludes other animals. In addition to fish or shellfish, a pescetarian diet typically includes some or all of vegetables, fruit, nuts, grains, beans, eggs and dairy." I am in the process of slowly phasing out dairy from my diet too, but that's much MUCH more difficult than giving up chicken and beef. No Ice Cream!? No Cheese!? No Way. Well, for the moment, anyway. I also am staying away from refined foods. Dr. Block's preview of the diet explains, "If you eat too much dietary fat and refined carbohydrates, you run the risk of increasing body fat and weight while weakening your immune system and increasing oxidative stress, inflammation, and blood levels of substances that promote tumor growth and angiogenesis. Diets high in fat tend to cause more DNA damage, which allows mutations to accumulate in the cells that make up tumors. The more mutations, the more aggressive the cancer and the more likely it is that malignant cells will survive chemo and radiation and travel through the bloodstream to seed distant sites of your body with cancer. It is no surprise, then, that cancer death rates are generally lower in populations that follow low-fat, vegetable-rich diets." Diet is one small piece that I can control and it seems necessary to implement the recommended changes now. I want to kick this cancer in the ass!
I have scheduled an appointment with a therapist (per several entries ago) through Kaiser and have also been in touch with the Ovarian Cancer Alliance of Oregon and SW Washington (http://ovariancancerosw.org/) which has offered support in numerous ways. Besides offering meetings and resources, they have also put me in touch with another woman around my same age in Vancouver, WA who has gone through Ovarian Cancer. I think it will be helpful to meet and talk with her, since this type of cancer is so unusual in young women. (Yep, I'm still considered young.) Just being able to talk to another 30-something-year-old woman about menopause side-effects (hello hot flashes!) will be nice, let alone having one more branch of support.
I am beginning to focus on a small exercise regiment as well. I have lost most of my muscle tone, but particularly in the abdomen region since that's where the surgery occurred. My main goals at this point are small: focus on posture, breathing, and do a little aerobic exercise every few days (walking mostly for now.) I was so protective of my abdomen after surgery that I have developed more of a hunch and need to focus on straightening my back and using my core muscles. Pilates has taught me (in the past) how to incorporate correct breathing techniques and some abdomen exercises, so I hope to implement those soon too.
The original plan had been to return to work this week per the Surgeon, however my Oncologist had other thoughts about that idea. He would prefer me to stay out of work until after all chemotherapy appointments, but I'm not sure work will be in full agreement with the idea of me staying out through September. I made a compromise with everyone and promised to wait until after my 2nd chemo appointment to see how I feel. My oncologist is afraid that as I go to my next appointment(s), the toxicity will be building in my body and that I may not feel as well, but he is also cautious about the mental toll that this is taking. We have tentatively set my return to work date for August 16th and only part time at that time, but we will also have to wait and see how the next chemo appointment treats me. My co-workers have been GREAT about supporting me during this time - putting together a huge goody basket, offering meals and entertainment, and donating "shared leave" so that my time off has all been paid so far. (There is no short-term disability program through the State - Can you believe that?) The Shared Leave will run out before I return to work, but it has been very kind of them to carry me through this far. Thanks to everyone at ESD!
I continue to have hot flashes incessantly and have had some numbness and tingling in my feet. I have begun to notice my hair falling out rapidly, though I don't see any patches or thinness thankfully. That time will come soon enough though. My boss at work has agreed to help me in the art of head wraps, which I am terribly thankful and excited for. I have always loved the look of head wraps, though have never ventured into the art form myself. I think I'll be able to exhibit some neat styles with grace. Wait, when have I ever been known to be graceful?
As far as needs at the moment - I need healthy recipe suggestions! I've been finding quite a few out there and some people have sent me suggestions, which have been great. Keep 'em coming. I'll need head wrap suggestions too. I also would like a comment on these posts from you. WHO are you? Give me some feedback, comments...even just a quick hello is appreciated!
I have started the "pescatarian" portion of my new lifestyle change, as recommended by this book in order to assist my body in fighting the cancer and any possible thought it might have of recurrence. Wikipedia defines "Pescetarianism, also called pesco-vegetarianism, is the practice of a diet that includes seafood and excludes other animals. In addition to fish or shellfish, a pescetarian diet typically includes some or all of vegetables, fruit, nuts, grains, beans, eggs and dairy." I am in the process of slowly phasing out dairy from my diet too, but that's much MUCH more difficult than giving up chicken and beef. No Ice Cream!? No Cheese!? No Way. Well, for the moment, anyway. I also am staying away from refined foods. Dr. Block's preview of the diet explains, "If you eat too much dietary fat and refined carbohydrates, you run the risk of increasing body fat and weight while weakening your immune system and increasing oxidative stress, inflammation, and blood levels of substances that promote tumor growth and angiogenesis. Diets high in fat tend to cause more DNA damage, which allows mutations to accumulate in the cells that make up tumors. The more mutations, the more aggressive the cancer and the more likely it is that malignant cells will survive chemo and radiation and travel through the bloodstream to seed distant sites of your body with cancer. It is no surprise, then, that cancer death rates are generally lower in populations that follow low-fat, vegetable-rich diets." Diet is one small piece that I can control and it seems necessary to implement the recommended changes now. I want to kick this cancer in the ass!
I have scheduled an appointment with a therapist (per several entries ago) through Kaiser and have also been in touch with the Ovarian Cancer Alliance of Oregon and SW Washington (http://ovariancancerosw.org/) which has offered support in numerous ways. Besides offering meetings and resources, they have also put me in touch with another woman around my same age in Vancouver, WA who has gone through Ovarian Cancer. I think it will be helpful to meet and talk with her, since this type of cancer is so unusual in young women. (Yep, I'm still considered young.) Just being able to talk to another 30-something-year-old woman about menopause side-effects (hello hot flashes!) will be nice, let alone having one more branch of support.
I am beginning to focus on a small exercise regiment as well. I have lost most of my muscle tone, but particularly in the abdomen region since that's where the surgery occurred. My main goals at this point are small: focus on posture, breathing, and do a little aerobic exercise every few days (walking mostly for now.) I was so protective of my abdomen after surgery that I have developed more of a hunch and need to focus on straightening my back and using my core muscles. Pilates has taught me (in the past) how to incorporate correct breathing techniques and some abdomen exercises, so I hope to implement those soon too.
The original plan had been to return to work this week per the Surgeon, however my Oncologist had other thoughts about that idea. He would prefer me to stay out of work until after all chemotherapy appointments, but I'm not sure work will be in full agreement with the idea of me staying out through September. I made a compromise with everyone and promised to wait until after my 2nd chemo appointment to see how I feel. My oncologist is afraid that as I go to my next appointment(s), the toxicity will be building in my body and that I may not feel as well, but he is also cautious about the mental toll that this is taking. We have tentatively set my return to work date for August 16th and only part time at that time, but we will also have to wait and see how the next chemo appointment treats me. My co-workers have been GREAT about supporting me during this time - putting together a huge goody basket, offering meals and entertainment, and donating "shared leave" so that my time off has all been paid so far. (There is no short-term disability program through the State - Can you believe that?) The Shared Leave will run out before I return to work, but it has been very kind of them to carry me through this far. Thanks to everyone at ESD!
I continue to have hot flashes incessantly and have had some numbness and tingling in my feet. I have begun to notice my hair falling out rapidly, though I don't see any patches or thinness thankfully. That time will come soon enough though. My boss at work has agreed to help me in the art of head wraps, which I am terribly thankful and excited for. I have always loved the look of head wraps, though have never ventured into the art form myself. I think I'll be able to exhibit some neat styles with grace. Wait, when have I ever been known to be graceful?
As far as needs at the moment - I need healthy recipe suggestions! I've been finding quite a few out there and some people have sent me suggestions, which have been great. Keep 'em coming. I'll need head wrap suggestions too. I also would like a comment on these posts from you. WHO are you? Give me some feedback, comments...even just a quick hello is appreciated!
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Dear Cancer Cells
Dear Cancer Cells in My Body,
How dare you try to take over my body. I am pissed off about your sneaky attack on my turf and I declare war against you little fuckers. You are going down. You have no right to this terrain and while you may have had a good run in the past, I am through with sitting idle and letting you use my body as an adventure land map. You are no longer welcome and I suggest you find digs elsewhere because I have begun my campaign to knock you worthless cells into oblivion...and I intend to see my war campaign through. Let me summarize my plan, so you have no doubt about my serious intentions to obligate your existence on MY body.
First of all, I have enacted chemical warfare on your asses. My body and mind are strong and can handle a little toxic warfare, but how do you feel about chemo aimed in your direction? I can see the beads of sweat building on your upper lip. But chemicals are only Phase One of my plan. I no longer have the same fear of them that you should...they are on my side and are helping to work against you and your sneaky plans of demise. I won't tolerate your shifty rebellion in my land.
I have also begun to amass my troops, and it is a number far larger than either you or I could ever have conceived. My friends and family have rallied and are working against you constantly. I have heard from people that I haven't been in touch with in multitudes of years, but they send me tidings of strength and support from afar. I only have to say the word and everyone will jump into action to fight you to your death. My doctors and nurses are the best in their fields and have years of kicking ass against cancer cells. They have an attitude of no holds barred, encouraged by my own attitude of war against you. They have promised me a relentless war until you have tucked tail and ran. I have also rallied naturopaths, psychologists, and mentors who have been down this path in battles against you, and they too agree that my strength surpasses your own in exceeding amounts. They too will fight beside me.
You have underestimated my strength. I have had moments of uncertainty and fear, but I have never doubted for a second that I wouldn't fight back in all ways that I could. I have had to make choices about strategy, but now I know that I will never stop coming after you and I am on constant alert to watch the borders of my body so that you will never return. I plan to starve you out of my system. You have fed on my weakness for foods for far too long and I now declare an end. I will now focus on fruits, vegetables, and whole grains that have reputations for bold warfare action against you. You will no longer find a friendly feeding environment here. In fact, you will find that every taste you take, tastes of antioxidants and and cancer-fighting nutrients - all the things that good science show you fear.
You have had your run, but it is now over. You have been served notice to evacuate these premises immediately. I will not tolerate loitering of any kind and promise you that I am coming after you full-strength. Do not underestimate my determination and strength. I WILL kick your ass to the curb. You are now evicted from MY body. You are never allowed to return. Be gone.
In all sincerity,
Rachael
PS - My God, it feels good to be in control again. Ah, home, sweet home. ;)
How dare you try to take over my body. I am pissed off about your sneaky attack on my turf and I declare war against you little fuckers. You are going down. You have no right to this terrain and while you may have had a good run in the past, I am through with sitting idle and letting you use my body as an adventure land map. You are no longer welcome and I suggest you find digs elsewhere because I have begun my campaign to knock you worthless cells into oblivion...and I intend to see my war campaign through. Let me summarize my plan, so you have no doubt about my serious intentions to obligate your existence on MY body.
First of all, I have enacted chemical warfare on your asses. My body and mind are strong and can handle a little toxic warfare, but how do you feel about chemo aimed in your direction? I can see the beads of sweat building on your upper lip. But chemicals are only Phase One of my plan. I no longer have the same fear of them that you should...they are on my side and are helping to work against you and your sneaky plans of demise. I won't tolerate your shifty rebellion in my land.
I have also begun to amass my troops, and it is a number far larger than either you or I could ever have conceived. My friends and family have rallied and are working against you constantly. I have heard from people that I haven't been in touch with in multitudes of years, but they send me tidings of strength and support from afar. I only have to say the word and everyone will jump into action to fight you to your death. My doctors and nurses are the best in their fields and have years of kicking ass against cancer cells. They have an attitude of no holds barred, encouraged by my own attitude of war against you. They have promised me a relentless war until you have tucked tail and ran. I have also rallied naturopaths, psychologists, and mentors who have been down this path in battles against you, and they too agree that my strength surpasses your own in exceeding amounts. They too will fight beside me.
You have underestimated my strength. I have had moments of uncertainty and fear, but I have never doubted for a second that I wouldn't fight back in all ways that I could. I have had to make choices about strategy, but now I know that I will never stop coming after you and I am on constant alert to watch the borders of my body so that you will never return. I plan to starve you out of my system. You have fed on my weakness for foods for far too long and I now declare an end. I will now focus on fruits, vegetables, and whole grains that have reputations for bold warfare action against you. You will no longer find a friendly feeding environment here. In fact, you will find that every taste you take, tastes of antioxidants and and cancer-fighting nutrients - all the things that good science show you fear.
You have had your run, but it is now over. You have been served notice to evacuate these premises immediately. I will not tolerate loitering of any kind and promise you that I am coming after you full-strength. Do not underestimate my determination and strength. I WILL kick your ass to the curb. You are now evicted from MY body. You are never allowed to return. Be gone.
In all sincerity,
Rachael
PS - My God, it feels good to be in control again. Ah, home, sweet home. ;)
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Coming to Grips
I think that just now the shock is finally wearing off from all of these happenings the last few months. I am struggling now with facing needed change in my everyday life. I have started to read Life Over Cancer by Dr. Keith Block, as recommended by my Oncologist. It's been a great read so far, bur I'm just getting to the nitty gritty about diet, supplements, exercise, and mental/spiritual health. I think in my own case, I feel very susceptible to cancer; I've had two already, so what's to stop me from more? Something in my body is not functioning the way it should or some habit I have seems to be making my chances worse than the average person. It seems like this should be my wakeup call to make some much needed changes....but they continue to be the same struggle they always have been. I'm not sure if I expect too much of myself or not enough. I can eat well for a few days, but then laziness or lack of planning kicks in and we're eating pizza (which, although I haven't gotten to the food section of this book, I'm fairly certain pizza is not going to be a recommended daily allowance.) I also am trying to figure out how one is supposed to put all of these pieces together when I'm not working right now, let alone when you add back in a normal 40 hour work week. It seems like people who have cancer should be put into a learning program where they learn all these pieces about latest research on food, exercise, diet, supplements, get to meet others in similar situations, and learn how to cope with those things moving forward, I am shocked that I am expected to return to work soon, when I'm still coming to grips with the fact that I have a new cancer, just had surgery, am doing CHEMO, and dealing with the fatigue and other side effects. My god! So I'm supposed to be super woman and deal with my own mortality apparently, besides try to make money and ends meet, etc, etc. Can't the world just pause for a few minutes? Can't I have a few months to adjust to this new life I'm supposed to adopt for my own good? It may seem a little whiney, but on the other hand, it's no wonder the average American has so much trouble making these changes In their day to day lives. We are not taught how to put new emphasis on things that put our own wellbeing in focus. We are taught how to quicken our demise - eat cheaply and quickly, give up that walk for an hour of Real Love. Ugh.
And I feel guilty for wanting more time. My coworkers are struggling dealing with the highest unemployment rates and crazy state demands, and they they see me with a tan and must wonder how long I'll "milk" the system. Oh, you can work in your garden but you can't work in an office? My physical self goes through fluctuating energies and strength, but it's my mental self that's struggling more now. I feel a huge pressure to return to work, and yet I also feel like it's all moving too fast. I wanted to slow down everything along this journey, but haven't been able to...yet. My mental capacity is just catching up to all that has happened to me. And you know what? It's not all roses. It is angering and saddening and shocking to have to deal with all of this. I am happy to be alive and am pissed off that this is happening...that my body is betraying me. I am pissed that this is solely my responsibility to deal with and make better. I'm the one who has to accommodate the demands of work and life with any healthy positive changes that could improve my survival rates and chances of getting any more fucking cancers. It just seems like an insurmountable burden at times. And yet, I want those changes. Do I just have to pull on the big girl underwear and do it myself? Can I?
I also realized today that I think it's time to call in some additional help. I've been going through a lot and am just now facing what that means, and I think some counseling would help me to process and deal better. As I type, I am making the commitment to call the Kaiser Cancer Alliance tomorrow and look more into counseling help. I was thinking of a good friend of mine today who has faithfully gone to the same counselor for over 10 years every week, driving one hour to get there and another hour home. And it's not because she's a messed up person, but because she puts that time for herself as a priority. I have always said that I think counseling is a good thing for people, even if they don't have issues to deal with...and yet, I've talked out of one side of my mouth while not putting the rubber to the road. I admire my friend and I'm ready to admit that I need some additional help to deal with all of this. Thanks, SS, for being a role model.
And I feel guilty for wanting more time. My coworkers are struggling dealing with the highest unemployment rates and crazy state demands, and they they see me with a tan and must wonder how long I'll "milk" the system. Oh, you can work in your garden but you can't work in an office? My physical self goes through fluctuating energies and strength, but it's my mental self that's struggling more now. I feel a huge pressure to return to work, and yet I also feel like it's all moving too fast. I wanted to slow down everything along this journey, but haven't been able to...yet. My mental capacity is just catching up to all that has happened to me. And you know what? It's not all roses. It is angering and saddening and shocking to have to deal with all of this. I am happy to be alive and am pissed off that this is happening...that my body is betraying me. I am pissed that this is solely my responsibility to deal with and make better. I'm the one who has to accommodate the demands of work and life with any healthy positive changes that could improve my survival rates and chances of getting any more fucking cancers. It just seems like an insurmountable burden at times. And yet, I want those changes. Do I just have to pull on the big girl underwear and do it myself? Can I?
I also realized today that I think it's time to call in some additional help. I've been going through a lot and am just now facing what that means, and I think some counseling would help me to process and deal better. As I type, I am making the commitment to call the Kaiser Cancer Alliance tomorrow and look more into counseling help. I was thinking of a good friend of mine today who has faithfully gone to the same counselor for over 10 years every week, driving one hour to get there and another hour home. And it's not because she's a messed up person, but because she puts that time for herself as a priority. I have always said that I think counseling is a good thing for people, even if they don't have issues to deal with...and yet, I've talked out of one side of my mouth while not putting the rubber to the road. I admire my friend and I'm ready to admit that I need some additional help to deal with all of this. Thanks, SS, for being a role model.
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