As I have gone through this experience, I have struggled with my desire to want to share it with people and my inability to explain what I have been going through. This journey of cancer and chemo is a new experience and nothing like anything I have ever gone through in my past and I often times come up blank when I try to figure out how to share my experiences with others. I have always tried to communicate with people as openly as I can, and I continue to do so, but it has been a real challenge when I often times don't even know myself what it is that I'm feeling or how I am doing. Sounds strange, doesn't it? How can I not know how I am? Sometimes there just aren't words or analogies to accurately portray what I would like, and sometimes I just don't know. It's frustrating. I would much rather be able to put it into easily relatable language so we can converse about it, but instead I have to ask your patience. It's not that I don't want to talk about it - I do. I just can't find the right words.
A great example of this strange phenomenon is my "tiredness." Our language is lacking when it comes to the word "tired" similar to the way it's lacking in the word "love." In Latin, there are three different words for love, all of which explain different types of love. Our language only has the one word, but we love in many different ways. I now believe that to be true for "tired" too. There's tired like I'm ready to go to bed and fall asleep. There's tired like my body aches and is ready to just be still for a while. There's mental tiredness. And then there's the type of tired you get when you're ill. Cancer tiredness isn't really the same as any of these other types of tireds. I'm not really physically tired...well, maybe a little. I don't have the words to describe it, but all I know is that I just want to sit down and chill out...that's the chemo tired. Unexplainable.
I have started back to work and there have been many surprises. I am doing mostly paperwork since I am being kept away from the general public, and it hasn't been nearly as tiring as I thought. (Though when I get home, I crash - I watch TV and I'm lucky if I can make dinner. Again, that strange tiredness.) My coworkers have been GREAT about reminding me to take it easy and helping me to take care of myself. I have been very impressed by their concern. On the other hand, I have been disappointed in management - they have decided to put me into the greeting position at work, which has the most contact with the general public of all our positions - seeing about 250 - 400 people a day. Management says this won't start until my doctor's note allows, but that's only in two weeks. I'll go from seeing 0 general public to several hundred. I meet tomorrow with the Accommodation Specialist and my boss and the main manager of our office plus a union representative to further discuss my need to stay away from the general public and how they can accommodate me. I want to apologize for the...inconvenience...and yet I won't. I need to take care of my health and they need to know what they can do to help me with that - and I won't apologize for it.
My body continues to heal and adjust to it's new self. After talking to my counselor today, I realize I have been struggling with the dichotomy between wanting to return to my old self, my old way of life, and yet knowing that I won't ever be the same again. She made me realize that I have lost a part of myself and that I need to process some grieving for that. I hadn't thought about it in terms of grieving, but once she said that word, it clicked into place. It may sound a little hokey, but the reality is that I have gone through huge changes in a short amount of time. I will never be the same person that I was, and yet I am still me. I am struggling to catch up with the changes that have happened. I am still figuring out which pieces of me are the same and where and how I have changed. I have not reconciled my two selves into one whole being yet, but I'm working on it. It'll just take time.
My hair is coming back. I notice much more stubble on my scalp than previously, but a lot of white stubble on the side (I keep hoping it's just peach fuzz and the color will come back soon!) and one big bald spot where no hair is growing right up front. I'm hoping that'll fill in soon. My coworker was asking me whether they make partial wigs in order to cover that one bare spot - I told her that's what spray paint is for. :)
I continue to be very "sore." My knees ache, my body feels every movement very distinctly. I laughed this morning as I was trying to put on a pair of pants and it hurt to raise my legs high enough to put them into the pant legs. I continue to research yoga, and if all goes well, Brian and I will both go in for some private yoga lessons tomorrow. Once my muscles learn a little flexibility and Brian learns some correct yoga poses, we will join some of the regular classes offered to the public. I am looking forward to teaching my muscles some of the strength and flexibility that I once took for granted.
We met with the doctors for my follow-up appointment, post-chemo, a few weeks ago. Everything looked good and we will continue to monitor me with check-ups and blood work every 3 months for the next two years. Then we'll lessen the appointments to every 6 months for the following 3 years. If I go 5 years without any changes, I will be declared free of cancer. Keep your positive thoughts coming!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Discoveries
After I wrote in one of my blog postings about needing to try to find my dad, Laura contacted me about her talent in doing family research...and the short of it is that she was able to find an old address for him in Vancouver. I wrote up a letter and we have since been in contact! The good news is that he is open to continuing contact together and we are learning more about each other with each email. The not-so-good news is that many of the females on his side of the family have had various types of cancer. Brian says that some of those cancers shouldn't matter much in regards to my own health since they are not passed along genetically. I continue to work with him on getting more info about those family members and to work on our own relationship too. As we gather more info, I will pass it along to the genetics doctor and it will help us narrow down what types of genes I could have that might link to other cancers. Genetics is a field with thousands of possibilities - I imagine it to be quite challenging and interesting for those who work in that field. I also find it interesting, but also a bit worrisome!
Brian's parents were in town last week. We celebrated the occasion by cooking up our very first farm-raised turkey. It was quite tasty and pretty exciting for Brian and me. I think his parents were a little less excited about the idea of eating one of our turkeys, especially when their friends are still running around in our pasture. Brian and I were also excited to become parents...and then again and again! I am speaking of our chickens finally starting to lay some eggs. We were very excited to find our first eggs in the nesting boxes. We also have been harvesting tons of veggies and fruits from the garden and orchard. We have lots of apples and pears in season, not to mention the tomatoes, zucchini, chard, kale, lettuce, tomatillos, squash, pumpkins, onions, peppers, basil, radishes, cabbages, cauliflower, broccoli, and more! I'm finally getting to the point where I can't keep up with everything as it harvests, but we've had many healthy meals because of it.
I go back to work in one week. I think the blog posts will continue to slow down as my doctor appointments become less and my health returns. Thanks everyone for reading as we've gone through this journey together.
Brian's parents were in town last week. We celebrated the occasion by cooking up our very first farm-raised turkey. It was quite tasty and pretty exciting for Brian and me. I think his parents were a little less excited about the idea of eating one of our turkeys, especially when their friends are still running around in our pasture. Brian and I were also excited to become parents...and then again and again! I am speaking of our chickens finally starting to lay some eggs. We were very excited to find our first eggs in the nesting boxes. We also have been harvesting tons of veggies and fruits from the garden and orchard. We have lots of apples and pears in season, not to mention the tomatoes, zucchini, chard, kale, lettuce, tomatillos, squash, pumpkins, onions, peppers, basil, radishes, cabbages, cauliflower, broccoli, and more! I'm finally getting to the point where I can't keep up with everything as it harvests, but we've had many healthy meals because of it.
I go back to work in one week. I think the blog posts will continue to slow down as my doctor appointments become less and my health returns. Thanks everyone for reading as we've gone through this journey together.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Bald notions
I'm bald. We took the clippers to the last little tuft of hair a couple of weeks ago and it's strangely liberating to have no hair on my head - no reason to use more than the smallest dot of shampoo, no drying or styling of hair. It's a bit of a shock to look in the mirror and I see that same look of shock reflected in the faces of the people who know me too. I don't mind that others seem speechless (what do you say to a newly bald person anyway?) because I feel the same way. I use the scarves regularly when I leave the house, but it's much more comfortable and freeing to just go bald. While I love all the different styles and types of scarves that I've gathered, they become hugely uncomfortable when I have a hot flash and I usually end up ripping them off my head to just get a slight relief from the heat of the flash.
I had my last session of chemo last week (a week and a half ago now) and it went fine. No real news to report other than being hugely relieved that it's over. And yet, I don't really feel like it's over. I've really just started this battle to remain/get cancer-free, and it will be something I fight for the rest of my life. I can't really get back to life as I know it just because the chemo is over. I have all of these signs that keep reminding me of the battle every day - a bald head, numbness in my feet, hot flashes, a sensitive belly, and I am not the same person of a few months ago. I am more serious, more cautious, have more mental strength, and struggle with the burden of "cancer" every day. I am constantly reminded of my mortality, my control over my health, and battle with wanting to return to my "simple" life as I knew it a few months ago - but really that's impossible. So I struggle with figuring out who I am now and what changes- mentally, physically, and spiritually- will become permanent in my life.
I continue to see my acupuncturist who has been fabulous for helping with some of the side-effects. I am now looking into yoga classes in order to stretch my sore joints and muscles and help me become more aware of my body movements. I feel so clunky/junky after the surgery and all this chemo. My body has been through a battle and has visible and not-so-visible scars. I feel unattractive, weak, uncoordinated, and generally pretty dowdy. I need help to recover some sense of unity between mind, spirit, and body - they all seem so disconnected right now. I look in the mirror and don't even recognize myself anymore. I am ashamed of my post-surgery post-chemo body and am sick of feeling that way. I want that connection between soul and body reestablished and am hoping yoga will help with that.
My return to work date is set for 9/30 and I am grateful - grateful to push it out a little further but also grateful to have a date to look forward towards. I have had several colds over the last few weeks as my immune system is busy fighting other things inside and I think I will still have immune issues when I return to work, but I look forward to getting back to that normal daily routine. I look forward to having a purpose to each day and to interacting with my coworkers more regularly. I'll probably regret saying that within a week of returning to work!
I had my last session of chemo last week (a week and a half ago now) and it went fine. No real news to report other than being hugely relieved that it's over. And yet, I don't really feel like it's over. I've really just started this battle to remain/get cancer-free, and it will be something I fight for the rest of my life. I can't really get back to life as I know it just because the chemo is over. I have all of these signs that keep reminding me of the battle every day - a bald head, numbness in my feet, hot flashes, a sensitive belly, and I am not the same person of a few months ago. I am more serious, more cautious, have more mental strength, and struggle with the burden of "cancer" every day. I am constantly reminded of my mortality, my control over my health, and battle with wanting to return to my "simple" life as I knew it a few months ago - but really that's impossible. So I struggle with figuring out who I am now and what changes- mentally, physically, and spiritually- will become permanent in my life.
I continue to see my acupuncturist who has been fabulous for helping with some of the side-effects. I am now looking into yoga classes in order to stretch my sore joints and muscles and help me become more aware of my body movements. I feel so clunky/junky after the surgery and all this chemo. My body has been through a battle and has visible and not-so-visible scars. I feel unattractive, weak, uncoordinated, and generally pretty dowdy. I need help to recover some sense of unity between mind, spirit, and body - they all seem so disconnected right now. I look in the mirror and don't even recognize myself anymore. I am ashamed of my post-surgery post-chemo body and am sick of feeling that way. I want that connection between soul and body reestablished and am hoping yoga will help with that.
My return to work date is set for 9/30 and I am grateful - grateful to push it out a little further but also grateful to have a date to look forward towards. I have had several colds over the last few weeks as my immune system is busy fighting other things inside and I think I will still have immune issues when I return to work, but I look forward to getting back to that normal daily routine. I look forward to having a purpose to each day and to interacting with my coworkers more regularly. I'll probably regret saying that within a week of returning to work!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Round 3...Psyche!
Yesterday was supposed to be round 3 of chemotherapy but we ended up delaying it because I've come down with a nasty cold. It started to really manifest on Tuesday; I had a fever of 101 degrees on Tuesday night and felt better (at least non-feverish) Wednesday morning. I still went in for my doctor's appointment on Wednesday but upon discussion with the doctor (my heart rate was racing and I felt wiped out) we decided to delay the chemo appointment for one week.
Getting sick has made me realize I've been pushing myself too much. When I feel good I want to do the things I would normally, but I have to restrict myself more than normal. I'm much more susceptible to germs and have to play the part of caretaker for myself. It has also made me more aware of my doctor's request that I not be around crowds of people. That's been a hard one to follow, particularly as I feel good and there's been a plethora of summertime activities to tempt me (baby showers, wedding showers, festivals galore, etc.) But with this one sickness, I now know the importance of that advice and will try better at avoiding those things. I know, boring. That's me. :)
I am already starting to feel much better today, thankfully. Besides being sick, I have also recently noticed a new side-effect from the chemo - soreness. I thought that I had just done a little too much weed pulling one day, but I notice now that I constantly feel stiff. It feels just like muscle soreness or having sat in one position for too long, except that it also happens in strange places, like my feet. It's taken me a while to realize that it's not from over-doing one thing, but that I just constantly feel sore. It's especially noticeable after getting up in the morning or after having sat down for a little bit.
I have been to a new acupuncturist over the last few weeks and she has been great. I decided that I didn't like the other one I had been seeing, so sought out this new one. After just one appointment, I could feel the neuropathy (the numbness and tingling) in my feet lessen. It's still there, but much less so. I also feel very calm and relaxed after each appointment, so those two things make it well worth the time.
Due to my sickness, pushing out chemo, and my realization that I've been trying to push things too much and need to stay away from crowds and germs, the doctors and I decided to push out my work date even further. Apologies to my co-workers! We've decided to wait until October 1st to start back to work now. Hopefully that will get me past the worst of the side-effects.
I'll keep this one short and end here. Just wanted to update everyone on what was supposed to be my 3rd appointment. I'll update again after next week's round of chemo.
Getting sick has made me realize I've been pushing myself too much. When I feel good I want to do the things I would normally, but I have to restrict myself more than normal. I'm much more susceptible to germs and have to play the part of caretaker for myself. It has also made me more aware of my doctor's request that I not be around crowds of people. That's been a hard one to follow, particularly as I feel good and there's been a plethora of summertime activities to tempt me (baby showers, wedding showers, festivals galore, etc.) But with this one sickness, I now know the importance of that advice and will try better at avoiding those things. I know, boring. That's me. :)
I am already starting to feel much better today, thankfully. Besides being sick, I have also recently noticed a new side-effect from the chemo - soreness. I thought that I had just done a little too much weed pulling one day, but I notice now that I constantly feel stiff. It feels just like muscle soreness or having sat in one position for too long, except that it also happens in strange places, like my feet. It's taken me a while to realize that it's not from over-doing one thing, but that I just constantly feel sore. It's especially noticeable after getting up in the morning or after having sat down for a little bit.
I have been to a new acupuncturist over the last few weeks and she has been great. I decided that I didn't like the other one I had been seeing, so sought out this new one. After just one appointment, I could feel the neuropathy (the numbness and tingling) in my feet lessen. It's still there, but much less so. I also feel very calm and relaxed after each appointment, so those two things make it well worth the time.
Due to my sickness, pushing out chemo, and my realization that I've been trying to push things too much and need to stay away from crowds and germs, the doctors and I decided to push out my work date even further. Apologies to my co-workers! We've decided to wait until October 1st to start back to work now. Hopefully that will get me past the worst of the side-effects.
I'll keep this one short and end here. Just wanted to update everyone on what was supposed to be my 3rd appointment. I'll update again after next week's round of chemo.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
The Geneticist
'ello everyone. My aunt Judy sent me an email link to another woman's blog who is also dealing with cancer and just finished her 2nd round of chemo. I was amazed by her sense of humor and honesty and if you're interested it it, you can find it here (check out the name of this link!): http://www.puttingonmybiggirlpanties.com/ I think I've said that to myself, particularly when facing the first time of going in for chemo - Time to pull on my big girl panties and get 'er done.
Today was my first appointment with the geneticist. They said a lot of big words all jumbled together. I wished Brian was at that appointment with me so he could dumb it down a lil' bit, but I think I caught the gist. My main two goals are: 1. Figure out whether I have a gene issue or an immunity issue that's caused two/three cancers already at a young age 2. Figure out whether I am able to take hormone replacements without causing significant increases in my chances or reoccurrence of cancer. I met with a genetics counselor and a genetics doctor. I'm not sure exactly what the genetics counselor role is but she seems to be the go-between for the most part.
We discussed first my family tree and any incidences of cancer that we knew and also my own history of papillary carcinoma (thyroid), endometrioid ovarian cancer (a specific more rare type of ovarian cancer), and the pre-cancerous cells found on my cervix. We automatically dismissed the cervix cancer since that is hugely attributed to factors outside of genetics. The next step was to see if we could draw any genetic relations between the thyroid and ovarian cancers. Though we only have information for one side (the maternal side) of my family, they think it is unlikely that I have the BRCA-1 or BRCA-2 gene, which links ovarian cancer with breast cancer and is common amongst women who have ovarian cancer. Their main reasons for dismissing this initially (we may follow up on it later on after trying one or two other things first) is due to the particular type of ovarian cancer I have, because there are no incidences of breast cancer in my family, and I have no other "side-effects" typically caused by this gene like large amounts of skin tags (they said hundreds in one area.) They then looked at whether there are any other genes that link my type of ovarian cancer and thyroid cancer and came up with the P-ten gene, also known as Cowden's. My next step is to go in early next week for some blood tests and then they'll let me know within 40 days whether I am positive for Cowden's. If it is negative, we will most likely attempt the BRCA-1 and BRCA-2 testing next.
The geneticist also would like me to continue searching for information related to my dad's side of the family. This has been a stumbling block for a number of years now. My biological father's name is Richard (Toby) Jones, but try doing a google search on that one - there's 1,700,000+ results for Vancouver, WA with that name. I have asked my aunts to follow up with their high school friends (my mom and dad attended high school together with my aunts and uncle, so had similar friends throughout the years) but so far, the main connection has remained elusive. I will continue to bug my aunt Joan (are you reading this Joan?!) about seeing if we can get connection through her ex-husband, Brent. Vancouver can't be that big, right? I had been trying to reestablish a relationship with my dad previous to all this cancer talk, but now it makes it even more important.
My foster-mom's mom (so foster-grandma) passed away last weekend, so I went to the memorial service yesterday. There was something really lovely (maybe I am meant to be a farmer!) about taking a handful of dirt into my hand and slowly pouring it into the grave to bury the ashes. I really liked the symbolism of how we all are a cycle of life and nature.
And in a completely different vein, I have to mention something that's been bugging me. I've had a big surgery and have been undergoing chemo. I'm not dying, I'm not really even "sick." I have had a lengthy recovery time, first for the surgery, second for my mental health and now third because of fear of catching germs and sickness from others. I have been catching little glimpses from people, mostly co-workers, who are wondering how I could possibly be out of work for so long and have such a nice tan. OK, I admit it would look much better if I were a nice pasty white-green color, something much more sickly and pale. But this experience and tan hasn't exactly been a walk in the park. I do feel much better and I do have a lot of strength and I do sometimes enjoy my time outside watching nature, playing with the animals, and doing some chores. I am enjoying life as much as I can, as we all should. Yeah, you should be jealous of my tan - it's the best one I've ever had. But trust me, you don't want a tan like this for the same price I've had to pay. My doctors have told me to stay out of the sun, particularly because of the burning effect of chemo - but damn! It's 90 degrees outside and I live on a farm. How exactly does one stay out of the sun in such circumstances?
We've updated my mohawk recently. I'll take some pics after styling and post them. I'm starting to lose my other hair too. I haven't had to shave my legs or pits in weeks. It's great. But now I'm losing my eyelashes and my eyebrows too. Damn, I should've flunked art in kindergarden - do they really think I can draw on a semi-arched eyebrow!? On the bright side, the mustache and beard effects of menopause are completely gone for the time-being! Damn, I'm a sexy beast. LOL
So what are my needs at the moment? I'm doing pretty good. I love the influx of scarves. I need to learn how to draw on some eyebrows and how to apply makeup to my "new head." I'm digging the gypsy bohemoth look of the tied back scarf and big hoop earrings. I need to redefine my sexiness. It's hard to find oneself attractive as a bald hairless slug of a being, but I think it's possible. I just need help figuring out how to make myself look the best I can. The trimming of my mohawk helped quite a bit.
Loves to you all and feedback welcome as always. XO
Today was my first appointment with the geneticist. They said a lot of big words all jumbled together. I wished Brian was at that appointment with me so he could dumb it down a lil' bit, but I think I caught the gist. My main two goals are: 1. Figure out whether I have a gene issue or an immunity issue that's caused two/three cancers already at a young age 2. Figure out whether I am able to take hormone replacements without causing significant increases in my chances or reoccurrence of cancer. I met with a genetics counselor and a genetics doctor. I'm not sure exactly what the genetics counselor role is but she seems to be the go-between for the most part.
We discussed first my family tree and any incidences of cancer that we knew and also my own history of papillary carcinoma (thyroid), endometrioid ovarian cancer (a specific more rare type of ovarian cancer), and the pre-cancerous cells found on my cervix. We automatically dismissed the cervix cancer since that is hugely attributed to factors outside of genetics. The next step was to see if we could draw any genetic relations between the thyroid and ovarian cancers. Though we only have information for one side (the maternal side) of my family, they think it is unlikely that I have the BRCA-1 or BRCA-2 gene, which links ovarian cancer with breast cancer and is common amongst women who have ovarian cancer. Their main reasons for dismissing this initially (we may follow up on it later on after trying one or two other things first) is due to the particular type of ovarian cancer I have, because there are no incidences of breast cancer in my family, and I have no other "side-effects" typically caused by this gene like large amounts of skin tags (they said hundreds in one area.) They then looked at whether there are any other genes that link my type of ovarian cancer and thyroid cancer and came up with the P-ten gene, also known as Cowden's. My next step is to go in early next week for some blood tests and then they'll let me know within 40 days whether I am positive for Cowden's. If it is negative, we will most likely attempt the BRCA-1 and BRCA-2 testing next.
The geneticist also would like me to continue searching for information related to my dad's side of the family. This has been a stumbling block for a number of years now. My biological father's name is Richard (Toby) Jones, but try doing a google search on that one - there's 1,700,000+ results for Vancouver, WA with that name. I have asked my aunts to follow up with their high school friends (my mom and dad attended high school together with my aunts and uncle, so had similar friends throughout the years) but so far, the main connection has remained elusive. I will continue to bug my aunt Joan (are you reading this Joan?!) about seeing if we can get connection through her ex-husband, Brent. Vancouver can't be that big, right? I had been trying to reestablish a relationship with my dad previous to all this cancer talk, but now it makes it even more important.
My foster-mom's mom (so foster-grandma) passed away last weekend, so I went to the memorial service yesterday. There was something really lovely (maybe I am meant to be a farmer!) about taking a handful of dirt into my hand and slowly pouring it into the grave to bury the ashes. I really liked the symbolism of how we all are a cycle of life and nature.
And in a completely different vein, I have to mention something that's been bugging me. I've had a big surgery and have been undergoing chemo. I'm not dying, I'm not really even "sick." I have had a lengthy recovery time, first for the surgery, second for my mental health and now third because of fear of catching germs and sickness from others. I have been catching little glimpses from people, mostly co-workers, who are wondering how I could possibly be out of work for so long and have such a nice tan. OK, I admit it would look much better if I were a nice pasty white-green color, something much more sickly and pale. But this experience and tan hasn't exactly been a walk in the park. I do feel much better and I do have a lot of strength and I do sometimes enjoy my time outside watching nature, playing with the animals, and doing some chores. I am enjoying life as much as I can, as we all should. Yeah, you should be jealous of my tan - it's the best one I've ever had. But trust me, you don't want a tan like this for the same price I've had to pay. My doctors have told me to stay out of the sun, particularly because of the burning effect of chemo - but damn! It's 90 degrees outside and I live on a farm. How exactly does one stay out of the sun in such circumstances?
We've updated my mohawk recently. I'll take some pics after styling and post them. I'm starting to lose my other hair too. I haven't had to shave my legs or pits in weeks. It's great. But now I'm losing my eyelashes and my eyebrows too. Damn, I should've flunked art in kindergarden - do they really think I can draw on a semi-arched eyebrow!? On the bright side, the mustache and beard effects of menopause are completely gone for the time-being! Damn, I'm a sexy beast. LOL
So what are my needs at the moment? I'm doing pretty good. I love the influx of scarves. I need to learn how to draw on some eyebrows and how to apply makeup to my "new head." I'm digging the gypsy bohemoth look of the tied back scarf and big hoop earrings. I need to redefine my sexiness. It's hard to find oneself attractive as a bald hairless slug of a being, but I think it's possible. I just need help figuring out how to make myself look the best I can. The trimming of my mohawk helped quite a bit.
Loves to you all and feedback welcome as always. XO
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Let's talk a lil' Food
I'm bored of writing and thinking about the same old things - side-effects, chemo treatments, hair styles, and so on. I feel like that's been hashed a few times too many. I'm not promising I won't talk about it all again in the future, but for the moment, I'm done with that. Instead, this entry I want to turn towards the foods that I've been enjoying, mostly from the good habits of my friends who have taken my diet much more seriously than I intended! LOL It's been a great transition to eating mostly vegetarian though.
Laura has been very good about making sure that we eat a ton of kale. Our garden is overflowing with kale and she makes sure that it doesn't go to waste...much waste, anyway. I have made some kale chips, which are nothing like potato chips except that they're crispy vegetables, but they were still pretty tasty. Laura has made several indian dishes, a egg and potato kale breakfast treat, a potato, kale, and sausage hash, and some Italian wedding soup creation - some with sausage and some without.
Brian doesn't like mushrooms or olives, but I can't be vegetarian without trying out a few of these yummy veggies here and there. I bought some big colossal green garlic-stuffed olives along with some marcona almonds fried in rosemeary and some goat cheese and ok-mok crackers. Yum! Had to have a little red wine with those snacks - how could one not? I also made a mushroom casserole from the 101cookbooks website with this recipe here: http://www.101cookbooks.com/archives/mushroom-casserole-recipe.html
I tried making some of my own vegetarian bean burgers in order to freeze and have on hand while Brian is busy grilling up all the pork that we just got from our 1/2 a slab of pig, but they turned out a little mooshy. Apparently, you need to fry them after making them, THEN freeze them, then recook them when you're ready. Oops. Well, that's a learning curve. They're still tasty moosh at least.
I also realized that beans is going to be a very important part of getting my protein and staying full while on this diet. I cooked up a bunch of pinto beans we had lying around, but instead of refrying them with bacon grease (yum!), I tried out coconut oil, which gave them a Caribbean flair.
Speaking of which, I think some fish tacos might be in order soon. Now that we have caribbean beans in the house, why not go the whole mile and do up some shrimp or fish tacos? One of the hardest parts of this diet has been to find fresh seafood (I'm not fully vegetarian.) One of my main goals has been to not eat fish and meat from the supermarket because you just don't know what's been done to that stuff. You'd think that living fairly close to the Pacific Ocean (it's only an hour away really) that we'd see a lot more fresh seafood, but apparently the marketplace must be difficult for fisherman to realize inland.
I took a page out of Laura's repertoire and stole the idea for making some sauerkraut. Sauerkraut has never really been a like of mine, until the last year or two. We have a ton of cabbage in the garden, so I figured why not try it out? I just shred up the cabbage in the food processor, added salt and kneaded it all together. The bruising, cutting of the cabbage mixed with the salt, drew out quite a bit of moisture from the cabbage giving it a watery bath to sit in. I had to add a little salt water to make sure it was fully covered so no bacteria grows on it, but now it just sits out on the counter (covered) and we can eat it in a week, or two, or three, depending on how sweet or sour we want it to be. Pretty simple stuff! So I've been considering making a faux Reuben for dinner soon. Tempeh for me, and corned beef for Brian and anyone else who may be visiting. Yum!
Laura and I also made a trip out to the Mossyrock Blueberry Festival, which was fairly small and uncrowded due to a little rain, but we managed to come away with quite a bit of fruit - blueberries, nectarines, and peaches. Right now, we're working on some nectarine sorbet. This morning we had a blueberry coffee cake. Last night we had a blueberry buckle. AND, our apple trees are starting to produce! So two nights ago, we had apple streudel. We've been working hard to making desserts out of fruit to help hold off my sweet tooth. It has been insatiable!
So, that's some of the latest in the land of eating for Rachael and Brian. Christine has also been a great help in figuring out some good eats, and I also appreciate the recipes that many of you have sent on. Oh yeah, I tried marinating and BBQing some beets the other day, but that effort was met with not exactly favorable results from both Brian and me. Well, we'll keep trying on the beet front to make something a little more appetizing.
Otherwise, health is OK for the moment. I tire easily. I haven't been sleeping well. My feet are numb and tingley. I am careful to stay away from crowds of people and those who are sick. But I feel OK and have been happy to have time to myself for some mental processing of all that has happened for the last few months. I continue to feel happy and lucky about my lot in life and the amazing people who are reading this and supporting me through this all. You guys are amazing. Thank you!
Laura has been very good about making sure that we eat a ton of kale. Our garden is overflowing with kale and she makes sure that it doesn't go to waste...much waste, anyway. I have made some kale chips, which are nothing like potato chips except that they're crispy vegetables, but they were still pretty tasty. Laura has made several indian dishes, a egg and potato kale breakfast treat, a potato, kale, and sausage hash, and some Italian wedding soup creation - some with sausage and some without.
Brian doesn't like mushrooms or olives, but I can't be vegetarian without trying out a few of these yummy veggies here and there. I bought some big colossal green garlic-stuffed olives along with some marcona almonds fried in rosemeary and some goat cheese and ok-mok crackers. Yum! Had to have a little red wine with those snacks - how could one not? I also made a mushroom casserole from the 101cookbooks website with this recipe here: http://www.101cookbooks.com/archives/mushroom-casserole-recipe.html
I tried making some of my own vegetarian bean burgers in order to freeze and have on hand while Brian is busy grilling up all the pork that we just got from our 1/2 a slab of pig, but they turned out a little mooshy. Apparently, you need to fry them after making them, THEN freeze them, then recook them when you're ready. Oops. Well, that's a learning curve. They're still tasty moosh at least.
I also realized that beans is going to be a very important part of getting my protein and staying full while on this diet. I cooked up a bunch of pinto beans we had lying around, but instead of refrying them with bacon grease (yum!), I tried out coconut oil, which gave them a Caribbean flair.
Speaking of which, I think some fish tacos might be in order soon. Now that we have caribbean beans in the house, why not go the whole mile and do up some shrimp or fish tacos? One of the hardest parts of this diet has been to find fresh seafood (I'm not fully vegetarian.) One of my main goals has been to not eat fish and meat from the supermarket because you just don't know what's been done to that stuff. You'd think that living fairly close to the Pacific Ocean (it's only an hour away really) that we'd see a lot more fresh seafood, but apparently the marketplace must be difficult for fisherman to realize inland.
I took a page out of Laura's repertoire and stole the idea for making some sauerkraut. Sauerkraut has never really been a like of mine, until the last year or two. We have a ton of cabbage in the garden, so I figured why not try it out? I just shred up the cabbage in the food processor, added salt and kneaded it all together. The bruising, cutting of the cabbage mixed with the salt, drew out quite a bit of moisture from the cabbage giving it a watery bath to sit in. I had to add a little salt water to make sure it was fully covered so no bacteria grows on it, but now it just sits out on the counter (covered) and we can eat it in a week, or two, or three, depending on how sweet or sour we want it to be. Pretty simple stuff! So I've been considering making a faux Reuben for dinner soon. Tempeh for me, and corned beef for Brian and anyone else who may be visiting. Yum!
Laura and I also made a trip out to the Mossyrock Blueberry Festival, which was fairly small and uncrowded due to a little rain, but we managed to come away with quite a bit of fruit - blueberries, nectarines, and peaches. Right now, we're working on some nectarine sorbet. This morning we had a blueberry coffee cake. Last night we had a blueberry buckle. AND, our apple trees are starting to produce! So two nights ago, we had apple streudel. We've been working hard to making desserts out of fruit to help hold off my sweet tooth. It has been insatiable!
So, that's some of the latest in the land of eating for Rachael and Brian. Christine has also been a great help in figuring out some good eats, and I also appreciate the recipes that many of you have sent on. Oh yeah, I tried marinating and BBQing some beets the other day, but that effort was met with not exactly favorable results from both Brian and me. Well, we'll keep trying on the beet front to make something a little more appetizing.
Otherwise, health is OK for the moment. I tire easily. I haven't been sleeping well. My feet are numb and tingley. I am careful to stay away from crowds of people and those who are sick. But I feel OK and have been happy to have time to myself for some mental processing of all that has happened for the last few months. I continue to feel happy and lucky about my lot in life and the amazing people who are reading this and supporting me through this all. You guys are amazing. Thank you!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
2 down, 1 to go
I made it through the 2nd chemo appointment yesterday. I visited with a different doctor this time since my doctor is on vacation. Dr. Chambers was very personable and also was a proponent of (w)holistic care, which I deeply appreciate. He and I discussed naturopathic/acupuncture care and he has processed a referral to help get Kaiser to pay for these appointments. He also talked to me about pushing my return to work date back even further. He is particularly concerned about my immune system and having me see so many different people on a daily basis, which could make me very susceptible to germs and illness. He recommends that I return to work at the end of September/beginning of October, but I am going to discuss this with my boss and see what options are available to me.
The chemo appointment itself went about the same as the first time. I'll spare the details, but if you're interested in finding out more, you can read the entry on my first appointment. This time we tried my left arm for the IV and the vein was a little more finicky, so there was a little pain here and there and it's still sore today. I also found out that Kaiser will pay for a free wig in partnership with the American Cancer Society, so maybe a wig will be in my future after all.
Speaking of hair, it started coming out in clumps last week, so Brian and I sat down with the shaver and shaved it into a mohawk. I'll post a pic of it to this site after getting out this entry. Probably today or tomorrow we'll shave it completely, or leave a few bangs for fashionable accessory to the scarves I've started to wear. I'm excited to have some help from a good friend in learning how to tie head wraps in a variety of ways. That will be very cool.
I also got hooked up with a woman through the SW WA Ovarian Cancer Alliance, who is around my same age and has gone through Ovarian Cancer herself. She and I had a great conversation on the phone and will continue our phone relationship with the hope of meeting each other in the near future.
I wanted to follow up and say that I did have an appointment with a Cancer Counselor through Kaiser, which went well. I think the main gain was to find out that I'm doing well with this: a little denial is healthy (Hah!), I have a great support team, and I'm seeking out the help I need. This blog has been extremely helpful in getting out my feelings, keeping everyone informed, and letting you all know how you can help me. It's a win for everyone.
I am wiped out today and feel weak and susceptible. I'm just taking it easy and drinking lots of water and tea to flush these toxins out.
I have started to see an acupuncturist, mostly for the hot flashes, but also for some numbness in my feet. I've been twice now, and noticed some improvement in hot flashes after the first visit. Since I was a little late in figuring out that I needed a Kaiser referral, those visits will be out of pocket. I'll also have to see the guidelines that Kaiser gives to figure out whether I can continue to see this particular person or if I need to change to someone else.
Needs this week? Nothing too new: food & hats/scarves. The doctors have really pounded it into me that I need to stay away from group gatherings, so I'll need to focus more on having mostly adult visitors to the house (those pesky kids and their germs!) I hadn't really considered the germ factor into all of this, so I continue to learn and adjust my lifestyle to accommodate my health.
The diet is going well so far. I've had a few incidents where I didn't plan appropriately and ended up doing the carb overload rather than adding in a bunch of vegetables as I should have done. I ordered pan fried noodles from a restaurant the other day and forgot to mention that I wanted veggies, so I just ate a plate full of noodles! I made a simple lasagna the other day (with the help of my good friend, Holly) which turned out great, but I didn't think to adjust the recipe to include more veggies until we were just about done. At least we had salad on the side. So I'm still learning and adjusting to these changes. I still haven't cleared dairy or sweets off the menu yet, which I need to do soon. The apple trees are starting to produce fruit, so I'll switch my sweet tooth to lots of baked apple goods. That's a decent compromise.
Thanks to everyone for your continued support. As I mentioned in my letter to these damn cancer cells, you guys are my army. I need your support, your suggestions, your recipes, your hats, your notes, and love. I appreciate all you have done so far, but we're not even half way through the battle yet. Thanks for all your comments on my strength - it really helps me to hear that from everyone. Peace and good health to you all.
The chemo appointment itself went about the same as the first time. I'll spare the details, but if you're interested in finding out more, you can read the entry on my first appointment. This time we tried my left arm for the IV and the vein was a little more finicky, so there was a little pain here and there and it's still sore today. I also found out that Kaiser will pay for a free wig in partnership with the American Cancer Society, so maybe a wig will be in my future after all.
Speaking of hair, it started coming out in clumps last week, so Brian and I sat down with the shaver and shaved it into a mohawk. I'll post a pic of it to this site after getting out this entry. Probably today or tomorrow we'll shave it completely, or leave a few bangs for fashionable accessory to the scarves I've started to wear. I'm excited to have some help from a good friend in learning how to tie head wraps in a variety of ways. That will be very cool.
I also got hooked up with a woman through the SW WA Ovarian Cancer Alliance, who is around my same age and has gone through Ovarian Cancer herself. She and I had a great conversation on the phone and will continue our phone relationship with the hope of meeting each other in the near future.
I wanted to follow up and say that I did have an appointment with a Cancer Counselor through Kaiser, which went well. I think the main gain was to find out that I'm doing well with this: a little denial is healthy (Hah!), I have a great support team, and I'm seeking out the help I need. This blog has been extremely helpful in getting out my feelings, keeping everyone informed, and letting you all know how you can help me. It's a win for everyone.
I am wiped out today and feel weak and susceptible. I'm just taking it easy and drinking lots of water and tea to flush these toxins out.
I have started to see an acupuncturist, mostly for the hot flashes, but also for some numbness in my feet. I've been twice now, and noticed some improvement in hot flashes after the first visit. Since I was a little late in figuring out that I needed a Kaiser referral, those visits will be out of pocket. I'll also have to see the guidelines that Kaiser gives to figure out whether I can continue to see this particular person or if I need to change to someone else.
Needs this week? Nothing too new: food & hats/scarves. The doctors have really pounded it into me that I need to stay away from group gatherings, so I'll need to focus more on having mostly adult visitors to the house (those pesky kids and their germs!) I hadn't really considered the germ factor into all of this, so I continue to learn and adjust my lifestyle to accommodate my health.
The diet is going well so far. I've had a few incidents where I didn't plan appropriately and ended up doing the carb overload rather than adding in a bunch of vegetables as I should have done. I ordered pan fried noodles from a restaurant the other day and forgot to mention that I wanted veggies, so I just ate a plate full of noodles! I made a simple lasagna the other day (with the help of my good friend, Holly) which turned out great, but I didn't think to adjust the recipe to include more veggies until we were just about done. At least we had salad on the side. So I'm still learning and adjusting to these changes. I still haven't cleared dairy or sweets off the menu yet, which I need to do soon. The apple trees are starting to produce fruit, so I'll switch my sweet tooth to lots of baked apple goods. That's a decent compromise.
Thanks to everyone for your continued support. As I mentioned in my letter to these damn cancer cells, you guys are my army. I need your support, your suggestions, your recipes, your hats, your notes, and love. I appreciate all you have done so far, but we're not even half way through the battle yet. Thanks for all your comments on my strength - it really helps me to hear that from everyone. Peace and good health to you all.
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